Sunday, December 30, 2007
Don't Give Away Your Power!
Don't Give Away Your Power!
by: William Martin

Lets look at some ways we can get to know another person without giving our power away. This enables us to minimize the risk that we will get hurt in the process.

The other day, a lady asked me an interesting question. She said,
'Are you single?'. What I noticed about that is that it feels
like a very different question from 'Do you have girlfriend?'.

I also noticed that my respect for the person went up a notch
or two - even though I did not want to get into a romantic
relationship with her.

The reason for this is that asking 'Are you single?', has a
refreshing boldness about it without being pushy. Whereas the
"Do you have girlfriend / boyfriend?", question has a sort of
unspoken "you probably wouldn’t want me anyway" feeling about it.

At least in can drift into that if the person is not very careful
how they say it.

Like anything to do with personal power it "Ain’t what you do it's
the way that you do it". However, asking the right question is part of the way we do it.

One way we can make dating easier on ourselves is to change the
question so that we do ask people on 'dates' at all! What I mean is go for what some call "the no-date date". This is where we just
invite the person along to something we want to do anyway. It can be anything from a favorite café, a place which has the best cakes / donuts, or place with an unusual shop, or a particularly nice park and so on.

That way we can say something like, "I am going to a lovely park at the weekend. It has a beautiful path through the trees. Would you like to come?". (Or, whatever is suitable based on what you know about them). Invite them to do something fun or interesting, which does not take up too much time.

We are just inviting them along, so we spend time with them. It is not really clear to them whether it is an actual ‘date’ with
romantic intentions or not. We can get to know them a bit better
before we decide to go that way.

In this way we can avoid saying "Want to go out with me?", which
again just gives our power away. If they turn down a no-date offer next time you meet them you can even say, "Hey, you really missed out. That park / café / shop I told you about was great (and have something to say that reinforces this (weather was fabulous, they have the best coffee etc.)". This turns even a 'rejection' into something in your favor.

We can also invite someone we want to get to know to join in with
something we are doing with other friends. We don’t have to get
stuck in thinking we have to invite people out one-on-one.

You may wonder whether you will give the person the wrong
impression if you are interested in them, but not make it clear
from the start by specifically asking for a date. You actually
probably stand a better chance to get to know each other when
just relaxing without any pressure. However, your 'interest' will
probably be in who you think they are, rather than who they really are. Give yourself a chance to get to know them for real before deciding anything.

Besides better to find out early whether this is a person with whom you can just relax and have fun with. If the chemistry is right you will soon find yourself in real dates with them and you won't have had to give away your power to get there.

Author: William Martin is the founder of a totally free dating site.

This article is free for republishing
Started writing in response to questions asked by members of the free dating site he runs.


posted by Beebee @ 7:31 AM   0 comments
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Online Dating: 10 Critical Mistakes ALL People Make – Including You!
Online Dating: 10 Critical Mistakes ALL People Make – Including You!
by: Elena Solomon
Copyright (C) 2005 Elena Solomon

Online dating is fascinating.

You can meet thousands of available singles that are literally just a click away, seeking love, romance, dating, marriage, friendship – and yes, of course sex. Men and women alike join dating services hoping to make new friends and start new relationships.

But there are some common mistakes ALL people make when using Internet personals – including YOU!
Here are ten common mistakes all people make when dating online. Check out if you are guilty of some of them.

MISTAKE #1 - “Giving it a try”Most people start using online personals with the attitude “Let me give it a try and see where it goes”. They don’t really think they WILL meet someone – they only HOPE to meet someone. What is the difference? When you “hope” to succeed, you don’t try hard enough – if it works, great, if it does not work, fine, at least I’ve tried. When you think you “will” meet someone, and it does not work, you change something in your approach to online dating to get the results you want.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t “give it a try” – do your best.

MISTAKE #2 - Hoping “the right person will find you”Most people don’t pay when post their profiles on online dating sites, which usually means they can receive letters but cannot answer ads of other members. They hope people will be writing to them. If you are an 18-year-old model-type girl, this may work for you. But if you are not, then you shouldn’t hope your dream partner would email you out of blue. You will get much better results if pay for premium membership to the dating site and write to people yourself.
BOTTOM LINE: Contact other people; don’t wait for them to contact you.

MISTAKE #3 - Sending one-linersIt’s amazing how many people using online personals send letters of the type “Hi, liked your profile, please see my profile”. If your photo does not impress the other person in an instant, most likely they will just delete your email. Some *might* actually read your profile – and if there is nothing in your profile that impresses them in an instant, then they will also just delete your email.
BOTTOM LINE: Write letters that have some substance in them.

MISTAKE #4 - Sending form lettersI always know when I receive a form letter - always! I am sure you know it too. If there are no personal references in the letter, I know this letter was not written specially for me. No one wants to be one of the crowd. Every person wants to be special!
BOTTOM LINE: Write individual letters for each person you contact.

MISTAKE #5 - Writing boring lettersMany people are guilty of this one. They write about things they want to say and not what the other person wants to hear.The result: letters that are plain BORING.Remember: it’s not about YOU – it’s about THEM! Tell them what you liked about their profile so much that you decided to write to them. Some things may be uncertain in their profiles – ask questions and guess the answers. For example, she ticked “Tell you later” in her profile about kids – if she did not have any kids, she would say so. Ask if she has kids and tell her you think she does and that you just love kiddies. A person who actually THINKS and what more – thinks ABOUT HER, it’s indeed something special, and your letter is sure to get noticed. Don’t talk much about yourself in your letter (she can always read your profile) - tell her why you think you will be the right guy for HER. If you do not fit her requirements 100%, tell her why it won’t be a problem. You pride yourself as having great sense of humor? Back up your claim – make her laugh! From the first line, your letter should grab her attention and she should not be able to stop reading till the end. THEN she will be certainly compelled to check your profile on the Internet personals website.
BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters – the type of letters you would like to receive.

MISTAKE #6 - Contacting dozens of members at onceOnce people pay for their premium membership to the online dating site, they tend to contact dozens of members at once. The reason for that is that they don’t hope to receive much response. STOP for a minute: what are you actually looking for? Most of us are interested to start a relationship with someone special. In fact, all you need is only one person – but the one who is RIGHT for you. Do you really want to correspond with 50 people at a time? Spend more time reading profiles on the site, and then select a precious few that you like the most and write to them. Make sure you get responses from your favorites before contacting other people.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t contact dozens of people at once – concentrate on the ones you like the most.

MISTAKE #7 - Not following upLet’s face it: we live in a fast-paced world. We tell people “Let’s get together soon” and forget it in an instant. We send an email, never get a response and lose the contact forever. This is extremely important when using Internet personals: if you do not get a response, follow up. Send another email. Tell them you are waiting for an answer and you want to hear from them even if they are NOT interested. Having somebody who is really interested in you is not very common nowadays. This very fact may convince people to answer you. Check if they are premium members. If they are not, they might have to pay the membership fee before they are allowed to answer your email, and this is the reason why they did not respond. Check the rules of the website before assuming they are not interested.
BOTTOM LINE: Follow up. Make sure there are no technical problems averting your contact.

MISTAKE #8 - Not having a photo in your profileIf you don’t have a picture in your profile, you are missing out on people’s attention great deal. Many great singles, men and women alike, NEVER answer mails from members without photos – leave alone writing to them. If you are concerned about privacy, take a photo where you are in the distance and hardly recognizable, or put on sunglasses. Smiling broadly also changes your face.
BOTTOM LINE: Put a photo in your profile. This is proven to increase your chances up to 10 times.

MISTAKE #9 - Bad body language on the photosWhen people look at your photos, they try to figure out what kind of person you are. If you cross your arms of legs, or in any other way “cover” your body on the photos, placing a barrier between you and the viewer, you make them think you are timid, insecure and lack confidence. Use open body language - open palms, arms on the sides of your body – never “covering” it, smile and “look” the viewers in the eyes.
BOTTOM LINE: Check your body language – people make their opinion about your personality by looking at your photos.

MISTAKE #10 - Giving upYou’ve tried this and that and nothing worked, so you give up: “Internet dating just doesn’t work for me”. That’s the biggest mistake of all. What you should do is to use your negative experience and learn WHY it did not work. Look at profiles of other people that attracted you and compare it with your own profile. Try to change your wording. Get a new photo with a happy smile. Try to contact somebody you feel nothing about and see how it goes. Maybe you are just trying too hard? Treat your search for a partner as you would treat the search for a new job: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Make it your habit to check new listings every day and write to one person. See what works and use it again. Borrow ideas from other people. Just don’t give up!
BOTTOM LINE: Online dating works. All you need to do is to gain experience. Practice makes perfect. Your special person is waiting for you!


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elena Solomon works in online dating since the early days of WWW. She is the exclusive dating consultant of – Internet personals for singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun.

Elena is the author of "12 Simple Rules for Success in Love, Life and Online Dating". For a limited time, you can get this popular e-book absolutely FREE at (normally sells for $49.95).

Get it today – the offer is limited!


posted by Beebee @ 6:08 PM   0 comments
Monday, December 17, 2007
Feng Shui and Romance
Feng Shui and Romance
by: Heidi Richards

Using the Ancient Art to Enhance Your Romantic Space

“If your love life needs a quick boost, you can use the art of placement to produce the romantic results you desire.” Heidi Richards

Feng Shui (pronounced fung shway) is the ancient Asian practice of object arrangement and space planning designed to bring balance, harmony and well-being to your environment. Its purpose is to enhance prosperity, creative, health and romance. Feng Shui fortifies a home with positive energy known as chi. The attainment of positive chi is both an art and a blessing to those who manifest that chi. The word “feng” means wind and “shui” means water, each one associated with a good harvest and ultimate good health or good fortune.

If your love life needs a quick boost, you can use the art of placement to produce the romantic results you desire. Relationships need the proper environment to grow. They need the balance of the five elements, too much or too little will find the romance wither. Here are some Feng Shui tips to enhance your romantic space:

The first thing you must do is remove clutter out of your romance area (generally this is the bedroom). That means you must remove trash, dirty ashtrays, dead plants and nothing should be stored under the bed. Dust and cobwebs on the fans, walls, light fixtures and ceilings should be cleaned away.
Enhance your space with romance colors, such as shades of pinks, reds and whites. Guys, this does not mean it has to be feminine. You can use maroon, grayish tones of pinks and whites to achieve the same results. The key is to not use any one color so much that it overpowers the others. Other good colors include browns, beiges, lavenders, yellows and deeper shades of those are appropriate.
If you keep flowers in the room (an excellent way to attract romance into your life), make sure they are always fresh. At the first sign of wilting, toss them out. Silk flowers are an okay alternative, provided they are free of dust. Absolutely no dried flowers as they signify death. Also, make sure the roses are de-thorned. Nothing prickly such as cactus, unless your goal is to break-up.
In Feng Shui a Relationship Alter positively stimulates a relationship. Designate a special place in your romance area in which to put items that will encourage a healthy, loving relationship. Things to include in your relationship altar can include a heart shaped pink crystal quartz, a pair of candles, mandarin ducks.
Use the Pairs Principle to encourage love. That means two candles, two nightstands, two lights on top, two potted plants, two pillows, two chairs, etc. The Chinese symbol for love is Mandarin ducks. They signify love, romance, fidelity, affection, and loyalty in love.
Your bed should be placed in the commanding position of the room. This is to permit the widest possible vision. The door or entry to the room should be easily seen from the bed. And the head of the bed should be against a wall or against a corner. If you have nightstands, make sure one is on either side (a pair) and that the bed is accessible on three sides to attract and keep a partner. The bed should not be placed under a window.
The bedroom is for sleep and intimacy. No one should come into your room without your invitation. There should be no distractions such as workout equipment, a television, things that would remind you of work.
It is good to hang pink (heart-shaped) crystals and wind chimes in a sunny window to attract good love energy (yang).
Pictures of you as a child, your children or other relatives should also be removed from the bedroom or romance area. This space should be reserved for couples and should only display pictures of the two of you.
Dim lights will give the room a warm, inviting feeling. No harsh fluorescents or high wattage lighting, here.
While this is by no means the ultimate guide to Feng Shui for Romance, it is a good start. These ten tips will give your relationship area the boost it deserves and your romance the fulfillment it requires. Altar your space and you will altar your love life. If you want to know more about the ancient art of Feng Shui, there are many excellent resources listed below.

Recommended reading:

Feng Shui for Love & Romance by Richard Webster

Feng Shui DOS & Taboos for Love by Ana Ma Wong

The Complete Illustrated Guide to Feng Shui: How to Apply the Secrets of Chinese Wisdom for Health, Wealth and Happiness by Lillian Too

Build a Better Life Using Feng Shui: A Workbook and Guide for Applying Feng Shui in Your Environment by Debra Michie

About the author: © 2004 - Heidi Richards is the author of The PMS Principles, Powerful Marketing Strategies to Grow Your Business and 7 other books. She is also the Founder & CEO of the Women’s ECommerce Association, International (pronounced wee-kī) – an Internet organization that “Helps Women Do Business on the WEB.” She can be reached at


posted by Beebee @ 11:44 PM   0 comments
Friday, December 14, 2007
Relationships: Giving to Get
Relationships: Giving to Get
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Are you giving love to your partner for the joy of giving,
or are you giving to get love?

I received the following email on this topic, asking for my

"Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I'm
thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there
are some things that make me feel upset, and I don't really
know what to do. I love her but she doesn't seem to be the
person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These
periods last for about 4 - 5 days. During these times she
seems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes
me frustrated because for the past year I have been working
so hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad.
I thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do
works. I miss the old times because she kissed me randomly
all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would
hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy.
Now, I'm lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3
hours. I actually start all of the kissing. I start all of
the holding. It feels like I have to start everything.

Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend.
She doesn't make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about
this come and go mainly around the times when she feels bad.
But these feelings also come around sometimes when she is
not feeling bad.

I just don't have a clue what to do, and I need some help."

Adam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty
to validate his worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as
Patty is having sex with him and kissing him a lot and
making him feel "loved and wanted." But, because Adam is not
doing anything to make himself feel loved and wanted, he is
addicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to
Patty from a full place inside, a place inside filled with
love. Instead, he is empty inside and hopes that if he
"works hard" and is nice to Patty, he can have control over
getting her to fill his empty hole. As a result, Patty feels
pulled on to take responsibility for Adam's wellbeing, and
becomes upset and distant in the face of the pull. She is
getting turned off to Adam and just wants him as a friend
because his neediness is not attractive to her. When sex is
a way for Adam to get validated - rather than an expression
of his love - Patty will feel used rather than loved. when
they have sex.

Nothing will change in this relationship until Adam decides
to learn how to take responsibility for his own good
feelings rather than expect Patty to do it for him. Patty
wants him to come to her as a powerful and secure man, not
as a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel
okay about himself.

Adam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him
and instead focus on how he is treating himself and Patty.
He needs to open to learning about what he is telling
himself and how he is treating himself that is causing his
emptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a victim of
Patty's behavior and instead focus within on what he needs
to do for himself, for the little boy within him that wants
love and attention. He would have love to share with Patty
if he were to focus on giving himself love and attention and
on making himself happy, instead of trying to make Patty
happy in the hopes that she will make him happy. As it is,
he is just trying to get love - giving to get.

Adam is coming from a very common false belief – that our
best feelings come from being loved and desired. The truth
is that our best feelings come from being loving to
ourselves and to others. Adam won't know this until he
decides to change his intention from trying to have control
over getting love to learning about being loving.

About The Author:

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and
co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me
To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is
the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a
FREE Inner Bonding course: or
email her at Phone
Sessions Available.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and
co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me
To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is
the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a
FREE Inner Bonding course: or
email her at Phone
Sessions Available


posted by Beebee @ 3:46 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Love each other, and enjoy the ride.
Love each other, and enjoy the ride.
by: Lindsay Wincherauk

The world can be a very scary place.

Everything seems to change on a daily basis.

Uncertainty in every aspect of life surrounds us.

We are all faced with one tragedy after another. On any particular day you can read about plane crashes, terrorism, crystal meth or whatever.

You may be wondering; how does this affect love?

The current divorce rate is nearing 50 per cent.

Can you imagine the impact on the children?

On one hand, no wonder relationships are struggling and the divorce rate is so high. We are living in a world of "me" time. Consumption is king.

We all need to take a deep breath and slow down. Life is moving too fast.

We need to get back to a day where we say "Hi" to our neighbours instead of fearing them.

On the other hand, it's not all bad: I'm happy, in fact, I'm individually optimistic, yet, globally pessimistic.

Can we change the course of things to come?

I don't know.

We've messed it up pretty bad.

Just think about it for a moment. The family unit is in a state of crisis; the institution of marriage may be failing. C'mon, two drinking buddies getting married in Ontario?

I suggest in the future for those of you walking down the aisle could you please uncross your fingers and take your tongue out of your cheek. You're only screwing up your kids and, in turn, our world.

If everyone actually meant, "till death do us part," the divorce rate may only be 20 - 25 per cent resulting in:

At least a 50 per cent reduction in unwanted children, in turn resulting in:
A smaller global population, in turn resulting in:
Less consumption, in turn resulting in: HOPE!

Wait a second, if that was the equation. I might not exist.

We have certainly left one messed up world for the next generation to try to fix. It's too bad that most of them come from broken homes. How are they going to fix the world, when they can't even fix themselves?

My radical suggestions:

Be aware of what is going on in "our" world.

Look at yourself first and the people in your life who matter and to try to encourage, nurture and love.

Turn off the news (except for 24 hours).

Laugh, smile and cry from time to time. Have a blast. Treat others with kindness. Make your "moments" memorable. Don't have kids just for the sake of it - kids aren't puppies.

Avoid confrontations: life is too short.

And most important, remember to hug each other.

We may not be able to fix the mess, however, we can have a blast during the ride.

This article is free for republishing
Authors Bio:

Lindsay Wincherauk (aka: the seed) is an aspiring author, photographer, entrepreneur and comic. Over the last several years he has discovered his passion: writing and photography. He loves formulating new ideas and images. He is driven by life and feels life is meant to be lived to the fullest. He takes his inspiration from life’s challenges and believes that we need to look at life from different angles to see the true beauty in things. His work captures individual beauty. He believes that life is best lived in the “moment” and that if you open your mind and eyes to the possibilities, you may discover greatness.

He has traveled to 18 different countries, has been a Best Man 6 times, a Pallbearer 3 times, and he is a Godfather. He has hung out with Rastafarians, Russians, Clowns and Drag Queens. He feels it is vitally important to embrace differences. He has co-authored one book and has two more in the works, which will be released in the not-too-distant future.

Lindsay attended the University of Saskatchewan and now resides in Vancouver, British Columbia.

For more information on the Seed and his first book Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular) please visit:


posted by Beebee @ 7:38 AM   0 comments
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Amaze Your Lover - 16 Romantic Ideas To Keep Them Happy
Amaze Your Lover - 16 Romantic Ideas To Keep Them Happy
by: Jessica Kihara

Some people have a natural ability to romance the oppposite sex and others seem like they don't even know what it means. However, everyone should know how to make their partner's heart melt because it's one of the finest acts of seduction.

For Your Wife/Girlfriend:

1. Kidnap her for a surprise picnic. Plan your rendevous for the weekend or when you both have a free day. Make sure she doesn't have any plans. Then you tell her to come with you to the supermarket or something along those lines. Give her time to get ready, get in the car, and pick up some take-out food. Then head to a nice empty beach or park and explain to her that you're having a romantic getaway!

2. Write her a poem. If this is not your thing, there are lots of places to get some inspiration. Try a poetry book, romantic song, etc. Just don't repeat anything word for word because it may sound familiar to her and she'll know you faked it.

3. Cook her a delicious meal, light some candles, dim the lights and CLEAN the house! When she gets home, she'll be speechless.

4. Hold her hand everytime you go out. If this isn't possible (because one of you is carrying a baby or pushing a shopping cart) then make sure to maintain some form of physical contact. This will make her feel like you're proud to be with her and can't keep your hands off her!

5. Give her a spa like treat. Fill your tub with warm water then add some milk and honey. Invite her in, give a a nice scrub down, then sit behind her and give her a firm yet gentle scalp massage.

6. Plan a photography session. Let your wife or girlfriend get all dolled up for you, then take pictures of her that you'll keep in your wallet, office, or car. Tell her that she's beautiful and that she takes amazing pictures.

7. Get up a few minutes before her one day and write a simple "I Love You" on a post-it. Stick the post-it on the bathroom mirror or someplace she'll be sure to see it. This is guaranteed to make her feel special and lovey-dovey! If you wan't to expand on this idea, you can leave sweet little notes for her in so many other places too!

8. If you're an artist, take inspiration from Titanic and draw, paint, or sculpt your lover. You'll get the best resluts if your masterpiece actually looks good but if not, tell her you could never create something as beautiful as her.

For Your Husband/Boyfriend:

1. After a hard day at work, give your man an exquisite back massage. Use some aromatheraoy massage oil to relax and soothe him.

2. Wear lingerie. This might not seem like the most romantic thing to do, but he will absolutely love it. He will definitely appreciate the effort you made and it'll seem super-romantic to him!

3. If your lover shaves his face, you do it for him. Play some romantic music, lather him up, and use slow, gentle strokes to shave him. DO NOT cut or nick him! Just take your time and he'll feel satisfied and taken care of.

4. Take some time out to just look into each other's eyes. Appreciate his presence, his scent, and his warmth. If you feel like kissing him, go for it!

5. Pretend to need him. Men like to be the ones to protect you, so tell him you get scared when he's not around or that you feel safe with him there.

6. Cuddle him unexpectedly. Warning - do this when you two are completely alone so that he won't feel uncomfortable or embarassed. To keep him happy, stop before he feels crowded. I suggest you hold him for about 5-6 minutes, then give him some space.

7. Buy him tickets to a football or basketball game that you know he wants to see. To keep things romantic, go with him and cheer for his team!

8. Cook him a huge feast, let him stuff himself, then you load the dishes in the dish washer while he rests. When you're done, sit near him and stroke his arms while whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

These are great tips that you can use anytime. Good for special occassions such as anniversaries or when you just want your partner to feel extra special. Don't ever let your significant other forget how much you care. Keep them feeling warm and fuzzy and they'll treat you so much better!

Jessica Kihara

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posted by Beebee @ 7:01 AM   1 comments
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